I Found the Goddess in Me & I'm Loving Her Fiercely‏

Listen to the words of the Great Goddess, who throughout time has been known by many names.

Assemble in a sacred place of your own making when the Moon is full,

and any other time you have need of My aid.

Know that My love will make you free, for nobody can prevent your worship of Me in your mind and your heart.

Listen well when you worship, and I will teach you the deep mysteries, ancient and powerful.

I require no sacrifices or pain,

for I am the Mother of all things, the Creatress who made you out of My love,

and the One who endures through all time.

I am the beauty of the Earth, the green of growing things.

I am the white Moon whose light is full among the stars and soft upon the Earth.

From Me all things are born, to Me all things, in their seasons return.

Let My worship be in your hearts, for all acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.

You see Me in the love of man and woman, the love of parent and child,

the love of humans to all My creations.

When you create with your hands, I am there.

I blow the breath of life into the seeds you plant, whether of plant of child.

I stand beside you always, whispering soft words of wisdom and guidance.

You need only to listen.All seekers of the Mysteries must come to Me,

for I am the True Source, the Keeper of the Cauldron.

All who seek to know Me, know this...

All your seeking and yearning will be in vain unless you understand the Mystery that if what you seek is not found within, you will never find it without.

For behold, I have been with you from the beginning, and I will gather you to my breast at the end.

Source: Charge of the Goddess (Doreen Valiente)

Perfect model of love

To understand we must be clear,

But to see clarity it must be sought after

Because if we just take our hands

And use our fingers to point at the ones we think the blame should be,

Come to find out, your pointing at me,

And in retaliation, I soon point at you,

Yet we still haven't realized why we are pointing at each other,

Do you?

Supposedly, love is the only thing that is supposed to sustain this whole pointing thing

But it seems that this love thing is a mere charade,

Because loves sustains all.

Love remains.

But the love we as humans have seems all in vain

Because we run to it for comfort

But despise it when we become the hunter

And again use this same hand

And take this same finger..

And point...

At the one we love

And yet..

We still have no clarity

Yet we have all the familiarity as to how to point that same finger.

Its so common but it doesn't make sense so we should use our common sense

And use the common knowledge of the one who loved first,

Died on the cross as we used that same hand

And that same finger

To point at HIM

As though necessary to quench a thirst.

However, His love is without reprisal

And did not point a finger back

Nor did He turn His back

Yet,

His love sustained

His loved remained

And with open arms

With those same hands

And that same finger,

He said come.

To the people in my life!!!

I just wanted to say first that people sometimes should take a step back... stop what you are doing... and look at your life... where you've been, where you are, and where you're going... and then take a closer look and acknowledge the people that have helped you along the way... people that have helped you become who you are now...

People that have wronged you but have somehow made you stronger.

People that have been there for you only for a season never to see them again... but they were still there at some point.

People that are distant but always watching you or praying for you.

People that love you dearly and sacrifice for you.

People that have changed your whole world.

People that stick with you even when you have done things that would make an ordinary person want to leave.

People that push you to grow, push you to become a better you, not just better.

People that have broken your heart.

I'm taking a second to acknowledge those people... thank you... thank you for everything, despite the wrong things i may have done to, despite whether or not i have hurt you or you have hurt me, even if i don't know you too well but you have impacted my life in some way... people i don't get along with, but have helped me understand how to love others better... thank you... thank you to those who have educated me, enlightened me, encouraged me... thank you to those who have loved me and shown me that love... life is all the more better because of you all... and you continue to inspire me !!!

Thank you

Choosing good and going bad!!!

When you find something "good" you never want to let it go. You hold onto "good" because you think "good" is as good as it gets. You never imagine something great, something so great, it's unexplainable. Instead, you stop where you stand... close your eyes to any other options, take in a slow deep breath, and accept "good" as your best!

Your thoughts become "good". Your actions are motivated by "good." Your life, as much as you'd like to deny it, has become co-dependant upon "good's" life plans. You take in air, imagining "good" as oxygen itself. You take "good" to mean forever, everything, your all... You begin to believe you were created to fulfill "good's" greatest desires. You were made to stretch, develop, hold onto, work with, understand, and motivate... love ... "good."

Then you start to notice that "good" isn't so great. Instead, "good" is exactly that...good. Nothing more, nothing less. "Good" is nice, convenient, and comfortable. "Good" is pleasing, patient, quiet. "Good" is not noisy, argue-some, or problematic. "Good" is exactly that...good. "Good" is just good.

Don't get me wrong...there's nothing terribly wrong with good. However, "good" will always prohibit true growth because "good" can't stand the test of becoming "great," and has no true passion of becoming "the best, excellent, perfect." "Good" will never be perfect... but you are confident that "good" has great potential! Even in the possibility of reaching such potential, "good" opts out of great and would rather remain stagnant at being good.

Your acceptance of "Good" never allows you to see how far behind you are at reaching great. The longer and tighter you hold onto "Good," you begin to notice that "good" is suffocating. "But why?" Because you, and "Good" fail to realize that accepting good is accepting stagnation and complacency; which have led you to "okay," "average," "aight," "something is better than nothing," "you're not worth anything great or better, so close your eyes to truth, and accept "good" as a lie... accept it as great... accept as the best... accept it for what it claims to be."

A choice must be made... a final choice! "Good" knows it has great potential; but, "good" chooses to remain good. You know that "Good" is not where you are destined... no offense; but unimaginable greatness is in your future. So now, you must open your eyes, clear out all self-created imaginative scales, and move from "good" to an unknown, unseen, beautifully expectant "great."

Cry your tears... for we know "You hold onto "good" because you think "good" is as good as it gets. You never imagine something great, something so great, it's unexplainable. Instead, you stop where you stand... close your eyes to any other options, take in a slow deep breath, and accept "good" as your best. Your thoughts become "good". Your actions are motivated by "good." Your life, as much as you'd like to deny it, has become co-dependant upon "good's" life plans. You take in air, imagining "good" as oxygen itself. You take "good" to mean forever, everything, your all... You begin to believe you were created to fulfill "good's" greatest desires. You were made to stretch, develop, hold onto, work with, understand, and motivate... love ... "good."

Your tears may last a while. They may sting as they stream down your face of disappointment, of "appeared" failure. However, when the tears are done... STAND UP! And take your first step towards being great! Re-introduce yourself to yourself, and remind self, that you are destined for unimaginable greatness! No matter how "good" things may seem...NEVER EVER settle for good. If you settle for good, you not only hinder your own future, but the future of all who have been divinely placed in your future to be blessed because of your oneness with unimaginable greatness!

Wipe your eyes, kiss "good" farewell, don't look back, and walk into your future!

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

1) I am terribly afraid of failing. Not in the everyday sense of making a mistake, but not becoming the person that i have the potential to become.

2) I am now living in the crazy state of MD, i miss CA!!!

3) I am in love with the beach and my wet suit. I should have been a water sign :-)

4) I love being in love

5) I hate when there is a whole empty row and someone I don't know comes and sits RIGHT next to me or really close..ugh!

6) Obtained my BA and MA from Berkeley...stand up engineers :-)

7) I hate stupid people!!! No really, i do!!! :-)

8) I'm a theme park junkie, i have ridden every roller coaster known to man

9) I have a crazy chucks problem, the collection just keeps growing....i think i need help :-)

10) I'm always smiling, i don't know what it is, i just can't help it...see :-)

11) My family is a complicated situation.

12) I love to read....looking for my next novel

13) Despise all Zane books....don't hate me people :-)

14) I love big/interesting words....like mau-mau, pejorative, and pulchritudinous!

15) I'm very sensitive, i'm working on that though

16) I'm ambidextrous

17) I think i play every sport known to man

18) I played basketball overseas for two years, Europe rocks

19) I hate starting over with relationships

20) I'm moving again, hopefully i pick the right state :-)

21) So i love love love baby food, like the gerber baby ones :-) yummy

22) I hate double standards

23) I absolutely HATE shopping, grrrr why don't they just know what they want :-)

24) I love colors

25) At my core, i am the same person i was when i was 6:-)...curious, kind, playful and content

26) I pride myself on being different and peculiar

27) I despise public restrooms

28)I hate when someone says something funny and people laugh and then they keep saying it.

29) I love love kids....everybody wonders why i never became a teacher

30) I'm not a good christian but i do really love Jesus

31) simplicity rules

32) I believe the eyes are the windows to the soul!!!

33) I adore art

34) Lover of cartoons

35) Got to have my pops (cereal) :-)

36) I've been labelled "white" or "wannabe-white" for a large portion of my life....can you believe that???

37) I love to travel

38) I am deathly afraid of cats...like seriously if there was a million dollars in a room with a cat, i would never get that money :-)

39) I love all dogs, especially chloe

40) I love sky-diving

41) I enjoy camping

42) I am afraid of flying but yet still love to travel :-)

43) Disrespectful and aggressive individuals make me furious

44) I am a reality TV addict

45) I eat oatmeal every day...maple brown sugar

46) I collect designer sunglasses, my collection is seriously sick :-)

47) I don't have any tattoos

48) No piercings

49) I HATE being told to do something "now"..I literally will purposely not move for at least 5 minutes because of that. That is so disrespectful!

50) Wish i was a little bit taller :-)

Sit down. Let's have a talk about love!!!

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the topic of love. It seems that everyone has their own definition of love. Disagreements about the nature of love and misunderstandings of other people's concepts of love run rampant, ruining friendships and relationships alike. I don't claim to be completely right...but hearing other people's thoughts can help one formulate their own. So please, share with my your opinion on the topic.

As far as what I believe; Love is a choice. Many people will claim love is an emotion, but emotions are fickle. They change without reason. That can't be love. You see, our best example of love is our relationship with God. Our love should be fashioned after his. But to understand his love, we have to love one another. Seems like a circular argument, doesn't it. Lets go into more detail.

When Adam was created he was created alone. The time he spent alone made him aware that he was lacking. Lacking in companionship and in understanding of how to relate to someone on his level. His introduction to Eve (and consequent relationship with her) helped to form a basis for his understanding of God. It put into perspective where he was, and how Adam should relate to him.

But the topic of this note is humanly love. Adam and Eve's love. They could love each other because of God's example. The time he spent with them, the way he spoke to them, their relationship was an emulation of their relationship with God.

So how does all of this relate to us today? Many people feel they are incomplete without a partner. That is not true. Each and every person is created as a complete being. However, I do believe that the insight gained by being part of an intimate relationship helps us understand and relate better to not only those around us; but also God.

Not everyone needs this experience. But the overwhelming majority of us do. But we tend to go about finding it the wrong way. We confuse our lusts and our love. Lust is an emotion, fickle and constantly changing. Lust is based in the desires of our flesh, and being born into sin, our flesh naturally desires sin. Love however is a decision.

As our relationship with Christ grows, our decision making changes and begins to become more like his. Love isn't about looks or money. position or fame. Rather its about forming a long lasting relationship with someone who can positively benefit your relationship with Christ.

On a personal note. I realized what love was when I decided that I would do what was best for a certain person, no matter what it cost me. Though that relationship didn't work out, my understanding of love was formed through interaction with her. I then could understand how God loves us. How he would truly sacrifice anything for us.

You see, we often forget the sacrifices made for us, whether it be from parents, friends, strangers or even God. The balance of loving someone and being loved by someone can help us to constantly remember how much God loves us, and how much we should love others.

The times when things get bad forges us, cleanses us, makes us stronger. There are trials in relationships to test our love. Don't give up when you are in the crucible.... endure it because love is a choice, not an emotion. And in the end, your love, and your understanding of love will be greatly increased.

He is God- My daily Inspiration!!!

He is the first and last,
The beginning and the end!

He is the keeper of creation and the creator of all!
He is the architect of the universe and the manager of all times.
He always was, he always is, and he always will be...
Unmoved, unchanged, undefeated, and never undone!

He was bruised and brought healing!
He was pierced and eased pain!
He was persecuted and brought freedom!
He was dead and brought life!
He is risen and brings power!
He reigns and brings peace!
The world can't understand him,
The armies can't defeat him,
The schools can't explain him, and the leaders can't ignore him.
Herod couldn't kill him, the Pharisees couldn't confuse him, and the people couldn't hold him!
Nero couldn't crush him, Hitler couldn't silence him,
The new age can't replace him, and Oprah can't explain him away!

He is light, love, longevity, and Lord.
He is goodness, kindness, gentleness, and God.
He is holy, righteous, might, powerful and pure.

His ways are right,
His word is eternal,
His will unchanging, and his mind is on me.
He is my savior,
He is my guide, and he is my peace!
He is my joy,
He is my comfort,
He is my Lord, and he rules my life!

I serve him because his bond is love,
His burden is light, and his goal for me is abundant life.

I follow him because he is the wisdom of the wise,
The power of the powerful,
The ancient of days, the ruler of rulers, the leader of leaders, the overseer or the overcomes, and Is to come. And if that seems impressive to you, try this for size.

His goal is a relationship with ME!
He will never leave me,
Never forsake me,
Never mislead me,
Never forget me,
Never overlook me and
Never cancel my appointment in his appointment book!

When i fall, he lifts me up!
When i fail, he forgives!
When i am weak, he is strong!
When i am lost, he is the way!
When i am afraid, he is my courage!
When i stumble, he steadies me!
When i am hurt, he heals me!
When i am broken, he mends me!
When i am blind, he leads me!
When i am hungry, he feeds me!
When i face trials, he is with me!
When i face persecution, he shields me!
When i face problems, he comforts me!
When i face loss, he provides for me!
When i face death, he carries me home!

He is everything for everybody everywhere, every time, and every way.

He is God, he is faithful. I am his, and he is mine!

So, if you're wondering why i feel so secure, understand this...

He said it and that settles it.
God is in control, i am on his side,
And that means all is well with my soul.

Everyday is a blessing for God is!

Ropes of Grey!!!

Laced with small, yet strong ropes of grey –

of this I ponder the thoughts that constructed your wisdom

My hands soft, yet strong; mother-like; but more so of a wife

Necessary to enlighten areas surrounded by ropes for soothing, laughter, and

sensation

When time allows

Entrapped by thick and long; sensitive and strong ropes of not yet grey –

of this I see ups and downs, moods of frustration and emotional peaks

Mountain tops or valley bottoms from one thumb’s caress intimately allowing peaks

and valleys to evolve into Stilled rivers… something to learn,

Here I see evolution takes time

Surrounded by curvaceous, cut-edge, calming, captivating ropes of grey –

of this I taste the sounds of hot harmony

The “last of the first… I’ll ever experience in my life” –

Pushing me to open myself, Receiving drip drops of Salted water... imagination

running wild as anticipation of gray harmony and water meet strands of light brown.

Covered by strong ropes of grey –

of this I ache to hear the beat of me through you; bouncing back and forth,

Bump bump – bump bump – bump bump

To feel the feeling of feelings you feel when feeling me, all the while not feeling me –

I feel you…

Bump bump – bump bump – bump bump

Topped by strong ropes of grey – of this I desire oneness

Thoughts scatter as I attempt to describe its beauty every since we’ve met…

Arrogant

Bold

Confident

Desirous

Excited

Favorable

Gentle

Hot

Intentional

Jovial

Kind

Loving

Mild-mannered

Naughty

Obedient

Persistent

Quarantined :-)

Relaxing

Strong

Tantalizing

Unrelenting

Vigirous

Wishful

X-Rated

Yearning

Zealous

Laced and Entrapped and Surrounded and Covered and Topped by ropes…

of these things I marvel and anticipate the day I will embrace and unite with your

Ropes of Grey.

Step back!!!

When people enter a boxing ring, it's important to take a break/rest after rounds of fighting. Although the fighters may want to keep hitting and keep fighting and keep perfecting strategies, it's an absolute must to take a break. If not, the fighters will fight to exhaustion and burn out. And not long after, one fighter will be overexerted and the other barely alive. Eventually... someone has to step back!

When people enter aquamarine water of the Caribbean blue ocean, it's important to swim to the top, break through the surface of the enveloping ocean to the ever expansive existence of air, sky. Although the sights and connections with the life of the ocean are incomparable to the polluted world's interactions, it's an absolute must to take a break. If not, the swimmers will take in so much of the Caribbean blue, that their lungs will fill with water. And not long after, the pressure of the blue will kill or permanently paralyze the swimmer. Eventually... someone has to step back!

And thus...

I can only assume...

When two people enter a relationship they too need to step back. It's not the initial dance of "infatuation" and "like" that entangles, drowns, and overcomes the two people. At this point both people are completely independent, expectant of nothing but what they expect from people... which no one knows what to expect, but hopeful expectations.

Nevertheless, time introduces itself as the dominator of the hour. Time enters the dance and teaches the two people or one person about love. Time teaches the two people or one person about hate. Time teaches the two people or one person about truth. Time teaches the two people or one person about lies. Time teaches the two people or one person about sacrifice. Time teaches the two people or one person about selfishness. Time teaches the two people or one person about joy. Time teaches the two people or one person about pain. Time teaches the two people or one person about absolute vulnerability. Time teaches the two people or one person about circumscribed vulnerabilities. And time teaches the two people or one person that as he/she/they sit and watch time, as he/she/they sit and experience time, time is not waiting for him/her/them.

Time is not going to give anyone anything. Instead, time does what it pleases. And finally, the two people or one person finds themselves completely drained from waiting, watching, wondering, wishing, and wallowing over time.

Suddenly... two people or one person takes a step back from the dance and realize(s) time is never created, only repeated. Thus, all this time, time has gone by and in time both people or one person has spent all of their time going in circles.

So, finally I looked at the floor and saw my bruised feet from chasing and running for other's pleasure; I looked at my chest and saw my swollen lungs from talking over and over and over again; and lastly I took a look at my face and saw my beaten cheeks from the flood of tears that pour every night. And I realized... just like the fighter, just like the swimmer I must step back. Because over time, I've lost time, and realized it's been time to take time for me.

Time's up....

Fantasy Football 101

Of course i'm swamped at work and in the midst of being bogged down with work i had the itch to break down fantasy football for all the greenhorn's. Next to sex, then next to real football, there is *gasps* FANTASY FOOTBALL!!! Hands down one of the best inventions ever, like seriously, like ever. You don't have to be into football to know what you're doing, well that's a lie but i don't want to scare away any greenhorn's. I'm going to try and give a simple breakdown of the most basic type of league and hopefully who knows, after reading this you might want to join :-). I promise you, it's so much fun, great trash talking involved, and once you compete in one season you'll be hooked, like a crack addict to their pipe.

So the league i'm running there is no online draft, that's for my other league where only professionals are welcomed. Not only that, mega bucks are on the line. The league for fun is an auto draft (The computer picks your teams based on how you ranked players). So here is a breakdown of what you do once you've entered.

1. Make sure you rank your players. Yahoo has it setup where they even have a list of the top 25 players in the league, if you have no clue you can probably just copy theirs :-). If you want to take your own stab at it, then just go through the available list and find your players and put them in the rankings you want. The higher you rank a player the better the chances that you will get that player. You can rank up to as many players/defenses that you want.

2. Once you've ranked your players, make sure you hit the save button.

3. After you've saved your picks, then you want to make sure you change your draft status from non ready to ready. As soon as everybody in the league has changed it, we should get our teams in a few days.

Now once the season has started and you've got your players, you have to put in a little bit of work. You earn points based on how a real player that you have on your team performs on game day. If you have a quarterback that throw 2-4 interceptions in a game, chances are he won't get you that many points.

You will also have a bench where you can decide if you want to sit a player for that week, or play them. You can decide to play a player based on who the their team is playing and if it seems it will be a good day for that team etc. EX: If you have Reggie Bush as a running back and say Marion Barber. Reggie Bush's team is playing the Raiders, and say Marion Barber's team is playing the Giants. You would play Reggie Bush b/c the chances are 8yr olds can play better than the Raiders, and Reggie Bush will probably run over them. You would pass on Barber just because the Giants defense is smack down amazing and he might not get you that many points.

Have your team updated each week by at least 9am on a Sunday morning so that the competition can begin. It's all about having fun, and once you get the hang of it, it'll become your pipe until January. I hope i've done my best to break down the most awesome thing you'll ever experience. Have fun people, and one last thing

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!!!

Reality TV and Me!!!!!

So i thought i would talk a little bit, or maybe a lot a bit about the other woman in my life. Well i'm not sure i would count her as the other woman, but the other something in my life besides my dog and my lady, and that is....reality tv. I swear that i'm so addicited that i think i really have a good idea of what addicts go through daily, this is my drug and i don't think i can leave it alone, ever. When i say that i'm going to give it up, another blasted show comes out, and like the fiend that i am, i must watch.

It all started out as just a little innocent habit really. There were so few shows that i watched that before tivo and dvr i made my plans based on what show was coming on tv. SMH.....I know, it's pathetic, but if you wanted me to go anywhere it HAD to be after 10, AND in the beginning i only could not go out on Thursday nights. Yes, i'm thankful for my tivo everyday. It all started with one show called Survivor. I have watched survivor from season 1, and i think it's now season 10 or 11, but i just can't help myself and it just never gets old. I started off with one reality tv show, and now i'm up to i can't even count. Well here is a run down of everything i watch/watched. Granted there are a few shows that i am so embarrassed to say i watch, but like i true addict i can't help myself and watch anyway. Okay so here goes my addiction list:

Survivor---Really if you're not watching this show, something is wrong with you.

Amazing Race---You must really be insane if you don't watch this.

Bachelor/Bachelorette---Okay so this is one of these shows where i sit and can't believe that i waste precious minutes of my life, but i keep coming back for more, i can't help it. I really won't say it's a must watch, but let me tell you the trick of how they get you to keep watching. So you'll watch one season of say the bachelor, and he gets down to the two girls, and one doesn't get picked, and it's usually America's favorite, then the next season of bachelorette, you know what they do???? You guessed it, they put the girl on that was not chosen, and then it's like well damn, how can i not watch, i feel like i know her. I'm sure producers are sitting there like ha, SUCKERS!!!

Flavor of Love--Alright another show that goes into my hall of shame. *hanging my head* Yes i watched all two, or three seasons of this jackassery, but again like the addict that i am, i just couldn't say no and turn the trash off. If i watched maybe one season i would not be so embarrassed but i watched all, and for that i don't know how i will ever forgive myself.

I love New York---Okay okay, i know you're probably saying this BS is getting ridiculous now. Well i agree with you. Another low in my life, and something i would just rather not talk about. Actually a good thing for me, is after they did her show when she moved somewhere to try and pursue her acting career, i watched one episode and said, okay enough is enough of this fiendry, no more. So i stopped watching, one small victory for me.

Real World---Let me just say, if you're still watching the real world, um you need to stop. Okay i watched this show for many seasons, and finally one day maybe after the Chicago season i said to myself, "self, why in the hell are you watching this, s#%@"? It go ridiculous, ignorant, and just damn near pointless. Victory number two for me!!!

Real World/Road Rules Challenge---Yes i watched this nonsense for a bit. Then one day, as the seasons kept changing and i kept seeing people from old seasons coming back, i said to myself again, "damn self, these crazy ass folks on here must really not have a job or a life". Maybe between the ages of 18-23 it's like okay nothing else to do, but some of the people on here were well into their late 20's to early 30's. Like seriously, you're going to play on a reality tv show for the rest of your life??? Victory number three for this stupidness.

Making the band---Puffy, Diddy, P.Combs, Daddy, mommy, teefus, whatever it is they call him now days, i watched. So i stopped watching when he put that Danity Kane nonsense together, but started watching again with the other whack group that's out which is Day 109 or something like that. Yeah season one i was into Babs, and Chopper, and Sara and Dylon and company, that was actually interesting tv, but Puff being the guy he is just didn't know when to stop. After the day 809 show, i said to self, "self, that's it". The other day, i was passing MTV and saw something that said Making his band, i don't know what it is, or who is running it, although i'm sure i have an idea, i refuse. Maybe one day i can get someone to walk to Brooklyn and get me some cheesecake from juniors, mmmm but for now Cheesecake Factory is just going to have to do. Victory number 4

College Hill---Yes i've long left the walls of college but since BET insists on taking every MTV reality tv show and doing it themselves, i decided to give this one a try. Let me just say, another guilty pleasure that i love, and i think i will watch this until it gets down right ridiculous. Actually it might just be there now. If you have not seen the Virgin Islands seasons, please got get it, it will not change your life or anything, but it will be sure to keep you entertained. This last season of Miami, was juicy, but all i have to say is Kyle, hope you working on that diet honey.

Hell's Kitchen----Been watching from day one, all i have to say is......Gordon Ramsey!!!! Get on this bandwagon you donkey's.

Top Chef---I can't cook, i burn boiling water, i hate the kitchen. I only go into the kitchen to eat, or find things that i don't have to prepare, ever. This show reaches out to my pallet, and gives me the edge to want to try new and different things. It really gives you a different appreciation of food, the process, and cooking as a whole. Must see tv right here. Padma, will you marry me?

Laguna Beach---Growing up in Malibu, i just had to watch. I was faithful from start to finish, and would do it all over again.

The Hills---Okay so maybe i have a secret crush on Lauren Conrad, but the show was entertaining and some of it was shot right in my own back yard. It wasn't the only reason i watched, i just got hooked, and never stopped.

Real Housewives of Atlanta---Drama, drama, and more drama. I hate drama, and watching this show makes me realize how much i do. It's also very entertaining and sad at the same time, that grown women are still acting this way, like seriously you guys are not in your 40's? With all that being said, i get my popcorn and watch faithfully. I'm still waiting on Sheree to marry me.

Real Housewives of New Jersey---So listen, if you haven't seen this season, go get it. Rich white women with too much money spells for good tv. Cant' wait for season two.

TO Show---So TO is one of my favorite players in the NFL and i feel he is so misunderstood by the Media. I was glad to see him do this, because everybody i talk to now is saying oh what a nice guy he is. Like #81 says, go get your popcorn!!!

Tiny & Toya--- *hanging my head in shame*.....one word....okay no i'll go with two words.....Country Bama!!!!!

Temptation Island---This was wayyyyy back, but of course like everything else that comes on tv, i watched it. I gave it two seasons and then said hell and no, this is just more jackassery upon jackassery. Why would you want to go on a show and get tempted by single individuals to prove to yourself that you can be faithful. Stupid as hell show, victory number 5.

As i'm writing this list, i can't believe the amount of reality tv i watch. I'm really shocked at this list, and i don't think i'm even close to being done. Writing this post is going to be an eye opener for me. Well, moving right along with the list:

Average Joe--So i watched this BS and i'm so embarrassed, sad, mad that i wasted my time with this BS. Never again, it went off the air, so not sure if this counts as a victory for me, but even if it didn't i would have stopped, so giving myself victory number 6.

Joe Millionaire----No words, except i should be allowed to punish myself for watching this garbage.

Meet the Barkers----Only because....only because....only because i have no clue why....SMH

Newlyweds---I thought Nick and Jessica were so cute, but i would have been watching if it was still on, i mean geesh

Run's House---Another proposal and the main reason i watched. Angela Simmons!!!! I stopped watching after last season, it's just not doing it for me anymore, or is it that Angela isn't doing it for me anymore?

Snoop Dogg's Fatherhood---Yes i watched this mess, and never again, straight up BS. Love ya Snoop but please don't do it again. Please and thank you!!!

Big Brother---Quite possibly one of the best reality tv shows on television. Trust me, i've been watching every season and i think it's on 10.....I doubt i'll ever stop, ever!!!!!

I survived a Japanese game show---- So OMG, by far this is up there with stupid shows, but i just can't get enough. If you're going to fly across the world to get made fun of, then i deserve to watch it happen to you!!! Enough said

I'm a celebrity get me out of here----UGGGGHHHHH waste of my time, so sad, so mad, ugggggh can't believe i watched this nonsense.

The apprentice----Loved this show when it was dealing with just ordinary people, now it's only celebs, and sorry Donald but you're fired, because you're done on my tube. Never, ever again!!!!

Dancing with the stars----Started watching this show after the first season and one of the best that is on television. Never was really into dance, but watching celebs minus all the drama, just learn difficult dance routines is really aspiring. I'll never put a gown on, but sometimes when i'm all alone i imagine that i'm dancing the waltz and well i'll stop there :-)

So you think you can dance----OMG great dancers, great judges, great producers, stupid host, great show!!!!

American Idol---I've been there from the beginning and i'll be there to the end, they're family, don't care what you all say.

Dating in the dark---So this is a new show that's maybe 4 episodes in, and i'm thinking about quitting. The premise is extremely retarded and i think victory 6 is on the rise

My name is Rane, and yes i have a problem!!!!

Why i hate cats!!!!

For a really long time i was extremely ashamed of admitting my fear of cats. Yes a grown ass woman afraid of whiskers. Well my fear of cats has snowballed into a deep rooted hatred that i don't think i will ever get over. My first encounter with a cat was around the age of 8 or 9. I was sitting on the porch of a friend and this cat was staring me down for what seems like eternity. I promise you it was the whole time, and at that time i had no problem with the cat. I honestly thought the cat just didn't like me and would at some point get up and leave. Of course i had no idea that my thought process was way off and this random moment would change my life forever.

So there i was minding my business on the porch, eyeing the cat, the cat eyeing me. I decided okay it's time to stop this madness i refuse to look at this cat, it's not like it's going to jump on me and attack me right??? WRONG??? I'm having a conversation and out of nowhere this cat screeches and leaps and i mean leaps from it's what i thought was a comfy spot on the porch into my lap and the next thing i know i'm screaming and yelling and jumping up and down, and trying to pry the cat off of me. My mind is going a thousand miles a minute, my heart is beating, my hands, and legs are shaking, i'm traumatized.

I don't know how the cat got off me, or if my friend took the cat, or if i tossed it off of me, but it's quite a blur even now. So after the incident i'm breathing hard and say to my friend your cat attacked me, her response, no she didn't, she was just being friendly......*stop the music* When does a cat jumping on an innocent bystander with no warning become friendly??? I tell her that she's crazy and so is her cat and decided i would never visit her or that porch again.

Many say Rane, that cat did not attack you!!! I say who the heck are you to tell me i wasn't attacked. You were not there, you don't know, i will say this today, tomorrow, and for eterninty, that damn cat attacked me!!!!!! So there starts my fear and hatred of cats.

They are so sneaky, you don't know how they're feeling because they show no freakin emotion, they never look happy, they jump out of nowhere, with no type of warning. Their backs freak me out, their eyes freak me out, they are silent killers who i believe are here to destroy the world. Yes i said it, cats are here to destroy us. They're really aliens, and we, well not me but you all let them in your homes, and are clueless. What do they do all day, when they're sneaking around and hissing at people? They are great attackers, they can sneak up on you and guess what people, YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW IT. They fake you out, and make you think they're angels and so cute, but all the while, they're here to take over the world.

My second incident with a cat came as a teenager. I decided to spend the night at a friends house and when i get over there she says oh i'm cat sitting. *stop the music* I turn around and say well it's cool i'm leaving. So she begs me to say and says she'll lock the cat up. I was convinced after i saw her put the demon spawn in the other bedroom and lock the door. We had a great night that night, just hanging out playing games etc. Of course went to sleep and morning came, and then the shit hit the fan.

So i'm enjoying my sweet sleep and can hear that the house is awake. My eyes are still closed and i thought to myself oh wow something feels extremely warm in the bed, i must have rolled on a warm spot or something. So i'm enjoying the waking up process when i open my eyes, and lo and behold yes ladies and gents that damn cat was freakin spooning with me!!!!! My reaction was quick, i touched the demon, picked it up, and threw it across the room, yes i said threw it. It made some loud obnoxious noise but i didn't care. I sat up quicly not realizing that i had touched the damn thing. Me, i actually touched it. They say you never know how you will react to things when you're afraid, well i threw the damn cat across the room and it hit the wall and then ran out of the bedroom. My friend came running in the room and asked what happened, and the second attack of the morning almost came, because i was really close to jumping on her and letting her see exactly how i felt.

So there it is folks, in black and white, my no longer fear, but now hatred of cats. I guess somewhere deep down i am still truly afraid, but i think there is more hatred than fear at this point. Like i said, i never enter anywhere there is a cat present. I have my reasons, and it really is never going to change. Why is it that everybody i meet that has a cat says the same nonsense to me.....Oh Rane my cat is different, you'll love my cat....*Stop the music*....no i won't, will not, never will, no chance in hell like your cat on any day. So all you cat lovers, you keep on your side of the universe and i'll stay on mine....until next time

The first but hopefully not the last!!!

So it has taken me forever and a day to attempt to start blogging. What is most ironic about this whole process is that i am not a talker at all. Some say hey blogging it's not talking, it's simply putting down all thoughts you have. I say to that well isn't that talking just not out loud? Whatever the case may be i'm trying it, i know i have strong opinions about things, and hey maybe this will help with the talking thing. Not only am i not a talker, i'm a terrible writer. I'm an engineer by day and a serious mute/TV junkie by night. With that combo, you can only be destined to be a terrible writer, but i'm going to try my best.