A little bit of this, a little bit of that

1) I am terribly afraid of failing. Not in the everyday sense of making a mistake, but not becoming the person that i have the potential to become.

2) I am now living in the crazy state of MD, i miss CA!!!

3) I am in love with the beach and my wet suit. I should have been a water sign :-)

4) I love being in love

5) I hate when there is a whole empty row and someone I don't know comes and sits RIGHT next to me or really close..ugh!

6) Obtained my BA and MA from Berkeley...stand up engineers :-)

7) I hate stupid people!!! No really, i do!!! :-)

8) I'm a theme park junkie, i have ridden every roller coaster known to man

9) I have a crazy chucks problem, the collection just keeps growing....i think i need help :-)

10) I'm always smiling, i don't know what it is, i just can't help it...see :-)

11) My family is a complicated situation.

12) I love to read....looking for my next novel

13) Despise all Zane books....don't hate me people :-)

14) I love big/interesting words....like mau-mau, pejorative, and pulchritudinous!

15) I'm very sensitive, i'm working on that though

16) I'm ambidextrous

17) I think i play every sport known to man

18) I played basketball overseas for two years, Europe rocks

19) I hate starting over with relationships

20) I'm moving again, hopefully i pick the right state :-)

21) So i love love love baby food, like the gerber baby ones :-) yummy

22) I hate double standards

23) I absolutely HATE shopping, grrrr why don't they just know what they want :-)

24) I love colors

25) At my core, i am the same person i was when i was 6:-)...curious, kind, playful and content

26) I pride myself on being different and peculiar

27) I despise public restrooms

28)I hate when someone says something funny and people laugh and then they keep saying it.

29) I love love kids....everybody wonders why i never became a teacher

30) I'm not a good christian but i do really love Jesus

31) simplicity rules

32) I believe the eyes are the windows to the soul!!!

33) I adore art

34) Lover of cartoons

35) Got to have my pops (cereal) :-)

36) I've been labelled "white" or "wannabe-white" for a large portion of my life....can you believe that???

37) I love to travel

38) I am deathly afraid of cats...like seriously if there was a million dollars in a room with a cat, i would never get that money :-)

39) I love all dogs, especially chloe

40) I love sky-diving

41) I enjoy camping

42) I am afraid of flying but yet still love to travel :-)

43) Disrespectful and aggressive individuals make me furious

44) I am a reality TV addict

45) I eat oatmeal every day...maple brown sugar

46) I collect designer sunglasses, my collection is seriously sick :-)

47) I don't have any tattoos

48) No piercings

49) I HATE being told to do something "now"..I literally will purposely not move for at least 5 minutes because of that. That is so disrespectful!

50) Wish i was a little bit taller :-)

Sit down. Let's have a talk about love!!!

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the topic of love. It seems that everyone has their own definition of love. Disagreements about the nature of love and misunderstandings of other people's concepts of love run rampant, ruining friendships and relationships alike. I don't claim to be completely right...but hearing other people's thoughts can help one formulate their own. So please, share with my your opinion on the topic.

As far as what I believe; Love is a choice. Many people will claim love is an emotion, but emotions are fickle. They change without reason. That can't be love. You see, our best example of love is our relationship with God. Our love should be fashioned after his. But to understand his love, we have to love one another. Seems like a circular argument, doesn't it. Lets go into more detail.

When Adam was created he was created alone. The time he spent alone made him aware that he was lacking. Lacking in companionship and in understanding of how to relate to someone on his level. His introduction to Eve (and consequent relationship with her) helped to form a basis for his understanding of God. It put into perspective where he was, and how Adam should relate to him.

But the topic of this note is humanly love. Adam and Eve's love. They could love each other because of God's example. The time he spent with them, the way he spoke to them, their relationship was an emulation of their relationship with God.

So how does all of this relate to us today? Many people feel they are incomplete without a partner. That is not true. Each and every person is created as a complete being. However, I do believe that the insight gained by being part of an intimate relationship helps us understand and relate better to not only those around us; but also God.

Not everyone needs this experience. But the overwhelming majority of us do. But we tend to go about finding it the wrong way. We confuse our lusts and our love. Lust is an emotion, fickle and constantly changing. Lust is based in the desires of our flesh, and being born into sin, our flesh naturally desires sin. Love however is a decision.

As our relationship with Christ grows, our decision making changes and begins to become more like his. Love isn't about looks or money. position or fame. Rather its about forming a long lasting relationship with someone who can positively benefit your relationship with Christ.

On a personal note. I realized what love was when I decided that I would do what was best for a certain person, no matter what it cost me. Though that relationship didn't work out, my understanding of love was formed through interaction with her. I then could understand how God loves us. How he would truly sacrifice anything for us.

You see, we often forget the sacrifices made for us, whether it be from parents, friends, strangers or even God. The balance of loving someone and being loved by someone can help us to constantly remember how much God loves us, and how much we should love others.

The times when things get bad forges us, cleanses us, makes us stronger. There are trials in relationships to test our love. Don't give up when you are in the crucible.... endure it because love is a choice, not an emotion. And in the end, your love, and your understanding of love will be greatly increased.

He is God- My daily Inspiration!!!

He is the first and last,
The beginning and the end!

He is the keeper of creation and the creator of all!
He is the architect of the universe and the manager of all times.
He always was, he always is, and he always will be...
Unmoved, unchanged, undefeated, and never undone!

He was bruised and brought healing!
He was pierced and eased pain!
He was persecuted and brought freedom!
He was dead and brought life!
He is risen and brings power!
He reigns and brings peace!
The world can't understand him,
The armies can't defeat him,
The schools can't explain him, and the leaders can't ignore him.
Herod couldn't kill him, the Pharisees couldn't confuse him, and the people couldn't hold him!
Nero couldn't crush him, Hitler couldn't silence him,
The new age can't replace him, and Oprah can't explain him away!

He is light, love, longevity, and Lord.
He is goodness, kindness, gentleness, and God.
He is holy, righteous, might, powerful and pure.

His ways are right,
His word is eternal,
His will unchanging, and his mind is on me.
He is my savior,
He is my guide, and he is my peace!
He is my joy,
He is my comfort,
He is my Lord, and he rules my life!

I serve him because his bond is love,
His burden is light, and his goal for me is abundant life.

I follow him because he is the wisdom of the wise,
The power of the powerful,
The ancient of days, the ruler of rulers, the leader of leaders, the overseer or the overcomes, and Is to come. And if that seems impressive to you, try this for size.

His goal is a relationship with ME!
He will never leave me,
Never forsake me,
Never mislead me,
Never forget me,
Never overlook me and
Never cancel my appointment in his appointment book!

When i fall, he lifts me up!
When i fail, he forgives!
When i am weak, he is strong!
When i am lost, he is the way!
When i am afraid, he is my courage!
When i stumble, he steadies me!
When i am hurt, he heals me!
When i am broken, he mends me!
When i am blind, he leads me!
When i am hungry, he feeds me!
When i face trials, he is with me!
When i face persecution, he shields me!
When i face problems, he comforts me!
When i face loss, he provides for me!
When i face death, he carries me home!

He is everything for everybody everywhere, every time, and every way.

He is God, he is faithful. I am his, and he is mine!

So, if you're wondering why i feel so secure, understand this...

He said it and that settles it.
God is in control, i am on his side,
And that means all is well with my soul.

Everyday is a blessing for God is!

Ropes of Grey!!!

Laced with small, yet strong ropes of grey –

of this I ponder the thoughts that constructed your wisdom

My hands soft, yet strong; mother-like; but more so of a wife

Necessary to enlighten areas surrounded by ropes for soothing, laughter, and

sensation

When time allows

Entrapped by thick and long; sensitive and strong ropes of not yet grey –

of this I see ups and downs, moods of frustration and emotional peaks

Mountain tops or valley bottoms from one thumb’s caress intimately allowing peaks

and valleys to evolve into Stilled rivers… something to learn,

Here I see evolution takes time

Surrounded by curvaceous, cut-edge, calming, captivating ropes of grey –

of this I taste the sounds of hot harmony

The “last of the first… I’ll ever experience in my life” –

Pushing me to open myself, Receiving drip drops of Salted water... imagination

running wild as anticipation of gray harmony and water meet strands of light brown.

Covered by strong ropes of grey –

of this I ache to hear the beat of me through you; bouncing back and forth,

Bump bump – bump bump – bump bump

To feel the feeling of feelings you feel when feeling me, all the while not feeling me –

I feel you…

Bump bump – bump bump – bump bump

Topped by strong ropes of grey – of this I desire oneness

Thoughts scatter as I attempt to describe its beauty every since we’ve met…

Arrogant

Bold

Confident

Desirous

Excited

Favorable

Gentle

Hot

Intentional

Jovial

Kind

Loving

Mild-mannered

Naughty

Obedient

Persistent

Quarantined :-)

Relaxing

Strong

Tantalizing

Unrelenting

Vigirous

Wishful

X-Rated

Yearning

Zealous

Laced and Entrapped and Surrounded and Covered and Topped by ropes…

of these things I marvel and anticipate the day I will embrace and unite with your

Ropes of Grey.

Step back!!!

When people enter a boxing ring, it's important to take a break/rest after rounds of fighting. Although the fighters may want to keep hitting and keep fighting and keep perfecting strategies, it's an absolute must to take a break. If not, the fighters will fight to exhaustion and burn out. And not long after, one fighter will be overexerted and the other barely alive. Eventually... someone has to step back!

When people enter aquamarine water of the Caribbean blue ocean, it's important to swim to the top, break through the surface of the enveloping ocean to the ever expansive existence of air, sky. Although the sights and connections with the life of the ocean are incomparable to the polluted world's interactions, it's an absolute must to take a break. If not, the swimmers will take in so much of the Caribbean blue, that their lungs will fill with water. And not long after, the pressure of the blue will kill or permanently paralyze the swimmer. Eventually... someone has to step back!

And thus...

I can only assume...

When two people enter a relationship they too need to step back. It's not the initial dance of "infatuation" and "like" that entangles, drowns, and overcomes the two people. At this point both people are completely independent, expectant of nothing but what they expect from people... which no one knows what to expect, but hopeful expectations.

Nevertheless, time introduces itself as the dominator of the hour. Time enters the dance and teaches the two people or one person about love. Time teaches the two people or one person about hate. Time teaches the two people or one person about truth. Time teaches the two people or one person about lies. Time teaches the two people or one person about sacrifice. Time teaches the two people or one person about selfishness. Time teaches the two people or one person about joy. Time teaches the two people or one person about pain. Time teaches the two people or one person about absolute vulnerability. Time teaches the two people or one person about circumscribed vulnerabilities. And time teaches the two people or one person that as he/she/they sit and watch time, as he/she/they sit and experience time, time is not waiting for him/her/them.

Time is not going to give anyone anything. Instead, time does what it pleases. And finally, the two people or one person finds themselves completely drained from waiting, watching, wondering, wishing, and wallowing over time.

Suddenly... two people or one person takes a step back from the dance and realize(s) time is never created, only repeated. Thus, all this time, time has gone by and in time both people or one person has spent all of their time going in circles.

So, finally I looked at the floor and saw my bruised feet from chasing and running for other's pleasure; I looked at my chest and saw my swollen lungs from talking over and over and over again; and lastly I took a look at my face and saw my beaten cheeks from the flood of tears that pour every night. And I realized... just like the fighter, just like the swimmer I must step back. Because over time, I've lost time, and realized it's been time to take time for me.

Time's up....